Conversation opener

A conversation opener is an introduction used to begin a conversation. They are frequently the subject of guides and seminars on how to make friends and/or meet people. Different situations may call for different openers (e.g. approaching a stranger on the street versus meeting them at a more structured gathering of people with like interests).

An opener often takes the form of an open-ended question, which can lead to further comments or conversation as well as creating topics for future conversations (e.g. "How's your mandrill doing?").

A closed-ended question (e.g. "Nice weather today, isn't it?") is regarded as potentially less effective because it can be answered with a simple "Mm-hmm," which is essentially a conversational dead end, requiring the initiater of the conversation to start from scratch.[1]

How to Start a Conversation notes that in conversation openers, "There really are only two topics to choose from – The situation [or] the other person. Secondly, there are only two ways to begin a conversation: State a fact [or] ask a question/opinion".[2] Accordingly, openers are often linked to props, e.g. "Do you have a cigarette?" "Wow, you're reading Crime and Punishment, that's one of my favorite books..." "I like your skirt, where did you get it?" etc. Many venues, such as singles tennis events, etc. are geared toward prop-based conversation openers. Some people keep conversation pieces for this purpose.

Judy Ringer's We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations points out that an entirely different set of openers may be used for sensitive conversations, e.g. about employee performance, in which a main goal may be to avoid putting the person on the defensive. These openers often take the form of I statements, e.g. "I have something I’d like to discuss with you that I think will help us work together more effectively".[3]

Conversation openers for romantic purposes

Not to be confused as pickup lines, conversation starters are used to engage a person to pursue sexual or romantic interest. It is also commonly called "openers". Most sources concur that body language and tone of voice play as much as, or a greater role in, the effectiveness of openers used with romantic intentions as the actual words. Non-verbal cues communicate most of the information about confidence level and other aspects of the internal state of the person. Eric a.k.a. Disco recommends using the "familiar voice tone" in which one uses the same tone of voice in approaching a stranger as one would an old friend.[4]

The book Routines Manual of Love Systems contains examples of conversation openers used by pickup artists. The goal of such a conversation starter is to engage a woman into normal conversation. The effectiveness of the opener, "Hello, I'm John Smith," is controversial. How to Meet Women describes it as "...a classic move - simple, but devastatingly effective"[5] while the Seduction Bible suggests, "Don’t give her your name. This is the first tool to confirm that she is interested in you. Instead, ask for her name. Once she says her name, compliment it and start talking. If after a while she asks you for your name, it means she is interested. If she doesn’t ask for your name, it means she doesn’t care."

Pick-up lines are conversation openers intended as overt, sometimes humorous displays of romantic interest.

Conversation openers in sales settings

In sales settings, conversation openers often are used to probe the subject for information. Topic chosen are on 'safe ground' like 'the weather' or 'how was your journey to get here'.[6] This information can then be used in attempts to counter objections.

This type of conversation opener is often referred to as small talk and is used to make both people in a conversation feel comfortable. The book Get Noticed[7] by Marcus A Taylor and Rob Lawrence explains how mastering the art of small talk involves active listening, being up to date with current affairs as well as identifying common interests to develop the conversation.

References

  1. ↑ Media College: Open-Ended Questions
  2. ↑ Persuasion Skills Ltd: How to Start a Conversation
  3. ↑ We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations by Judy Ringer
  4. ↑ Instant Attraction Using Familiar Voice Tone, Eric a.k.a. Disco, June 28, 2007.
  5. ↑ How to Meet Women: Chapter 4, Cartaphilus.
  6. ↑ Sales Feature Article "Conversation Openers" by Scott Peck
  7. ↑ Get Noticed Get Noticed' by Marcus A Taylor and Rob Lawrence
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