The Ballad of Eskimo Nell

"Eskimo Nell" redirects here. For the film, see Eskimo Nell (film).

The Ballad of Eskimo Nell (Roud 10124) is a bawdy rhymed poem or song that recounts the tale of Deadeye Dick, his accomplice Mexican Pete and a woman they meet on their travels, named Eskimo Nell. The ballad makes frequent use of body-related terminology, with humorous consequences.

Traditional words

There are multiple variations of the poem and some stanzas are left out of certain versions, but the basic narrative structure remains constant. It details the adventures of the generously endowed Deadeye Dick and his gunslinging sidekick Mexican Pete. Fed up with their sex life at Dead Man's Creek, they travel to the Rio Grande. There they visit a whore-house, but before Dick has finished with two out of the 40 whores, they are confronted by Eskimo Nell. She is described as something of a sexual champion, and challenges Dick to satisfy her. Dick accepts but Nell's skill and power soon gets the better of him and he climaxes prematurely. Pete attempts to avenge his friend's disappointment by sticking his gun into Nell's vagina and firing all six rounds, but all this achieves is to bring Nell to her own orgasm. She chides the pair for their poor performance and expresses nostalgia for her home in the frozen North, where the men apparently have better staying power. Dick and Pete return to Dead Man's Creek, their pride severely dented.

The opening lines (in one version) are:

Gather 'round, all ye whorey!
Gather 'round and hear my story!
When a man grows old, and his balls grow cold,
And the tip of his prick turns blue,
Far from a life of Yukon strife,
He can tell you a tale or two.
So pull up a seat, and buy me one neat
And a tale to you I will tell,
About Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete,
And a harlot named Eskimo Nell.

Other stanzas:

When Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
Go forth in search of fun,
It's Dead-Eye Dick that swings the prick,
And Mexican Pete the gun.
When Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
Are sore, depressed and sad,
It's always a cunt that bears the brunt,
But the shooting's not so bad.
Now Dead-Eye Dick and Mexican Pete
Lived down by Dead Man's Creek,
And such was their luck that they'd had no fuck
For nigh on half a week.
Oh, a moose or two, and a caribou,
And a bison cow or so,
But for Dead-Eye Dick with his kingly prick,
This fucking was mighty slow.
Dick pound on his cock with a huge piece of rock
And said, "I want to play!"
It's been almost a week at this fucking creek,
With no cunt coming my way.
So, do or dare, this horny pair
Set off for the Rio Grande,
Dead-Eye Dick with his kingly prick,
And Pete with his gun in hand.
Then as they blazed their noisy trail,
No man, their path withstood.
Many a bride, her husband's pride,
A pregnant widow stood.

The closing stanza echoes the opening:

When a man grows old, and his balls grow cold,
And the tip of his prick turns blue,
And the hole in the middle refuses to piddle,
I'd say he was fucked, wouldn't you?

Origin and history

This is a folk poem with no known author. It is in the style of Robert Service, the writer best known for his writings of the Canadian North, in particular of his poem "The Shooting of Dan McGrew".[1] As with all traditional poems and songs, there is variation between the texts. It appeared in bawdy songbooks compiled by university students in South Africa in the 1940s, so it is at least sixty years old. Nell has been the subject of serious research and differences of interpretation have been recorded.

One tradition is that the poem was written by Noël Coward in the style of Robert Service's Yukon ballads. This is recounted by John Masters in his historical novel By the Green of the Spring.[2] Masters tells of Coward's first performance of the poem in a Paris nightclub in August 1919. He includes four stanzas from the poem, which differ somewhat from those above.

Nell in print and record

Owing to its bawdy nature, the poem has generally been passed on by word of mouth or in manuscript from one generation to another. There are a few published versions.[3]

Nell on the internet

At least four versions of "Eskimo Nell" can be found on the internet.[4][5][6][7] Of these, the last claims to be based on five distinct versions and credits The Mudcat Café.

Nell in popular culture

References

  1. ↑ Service, Robert (1972). Songs of a Sourdough (5th ed.). London: Ernest Benn. pp. 57–63. ISBN 0-510-32421-5. ”A bunch of the boys were whooping it up in the Malemute saloon; The kid that handles the music-box was hitting a jag-time tune; Back of the bar, in a solo game, sat dangerous Dan McGrew; And watching his luck was his light-o’-love, the lady that’s known as Lou”
  2. ↑ Masters, John: By the Green of the Spring. First published in Great Britain by Michael Joseph Ltd 1981. Published by Sphere Books Ltd 1982 (paperback.) The reference is in chapter 26, pages 505 - 507 in the paperback.
  3. ↑ "Tom Atkinson<rev FFS>".
  4. ↑ "Heretical Press".
  5. ↑ "An Englishman's Castle".
  6. ↑ "A composite version".
  7. ↑ "Eskimo Nell (Amalgamated)".
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