The Fiver

The Fiver is a daily, mostly humorous football email published by The Guardian newspaper's website, guardian.co.uk. It is delivered to subscribers’ inboxes at (approximately) 17:00 Monday – Friday (hence the name "Fiver") but does not appear in the print edition of The Guardian newspaper. Even though it is published by a UK-based newspaper, The Fiver enjoys a world-wide following. Fiver writers include Paul Doyle and Barry Glendenning and are drawn from the Guardian Unlimited sportswriting staff.

Content

Usually The Fiver is composed of:

Main stories 
Composed of two commentaries on selected events (although this used to be three), usually highlighting the negative side of the modern game, unsportsmalinke behaviour or the failure or embarrassment of a team or player. These events are usually presented in a humorous, ironic, cynical and wearily disdainful manner. Occasionally subjects of sufficient importance are dealt with in a completely serious manner, for example the death of a great player or major incidents of crowd racism
Quote of the Day 
Features a contemporary quote made by a famous (or infamous) footballing figure, again selected for its comedy value
Fiver Letters 
Comments, general observations, criticisms and pedantry. Formerly, a prize was awarded to the letter judged best of the day
Bits and Bobs 
An amalgamation of the old News in Brief and Rumour Mill sections (see below)
Still Want More? 
Links to other football and sports stories (especially "The Spin") from The Guardian
Last Line 
A brief "sign-off" line, typically an esoteric cultural reference, topical comment, song lyric or writers' in-joke

Discontinued sections

TV & Radio 
Summary of the evening’s football related programming, accompanied by anecdotal submissions from readers on various and frequently changing themes. This section has yet to return after the 2006 Christmas break. Probably because the Fiver writers can't be bothered looking up what's on TV and radio
Still Want M-O-R? 
A new but short-lived musical interlude section in January 2008 which consisted of one or two old music video clips on YouTube. It was started because of "surprising (and rather disturbing) popularity" of the Last Line from 10 January 2008. The new section was originally named Musical Interlude the next day and became MOR! MOR! MOR! How Do You Like It? How Do You Like It? on 12 January 2008. Then, it was renamed to Very MOR-ish from 13–17 January 2008 and Please Sir, Can I Have Some M-O-R from 18–22 January 2008. From 23 January 2008, the section was known as Still Want M-O-R? The section was then ended on 31 January
News in Brief 
Summary of the day’s stories about player injuries, disciplinary hearings, completed transfers, international matches. Now replaced by Bits and Bobs
Rumour Mill 
Managerial and transfer related gossip and speculation culled from other newspapers and websites. Now replaced by Bits and Bobs

Humour

Much of the humour in The Fiver derives from the tongue-in-cheek use of national and regional stereotypes. For example, frequent references are made to The Fiver’s English, Scottish, Welsh and Irish 'cousins': "Sexually Repressed Morris dancing Fiver", "Shortbread McFiver", "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Fiver" and "Theme pub O’Fiver" respectively. 'Family' members are often invented as and when required to portray the press of a given country. In addition the most successful teams of the time are usually on the receiving end of many jokes. The Fiver employs the kinds of jokes and insults used by football fans themselves, combining this with sharp observation, which no-doubt contributes towards its popularity amongst its readers, although that could also be why it is often accused of bias by the fans of the team which happens to be on the receiving end. The Fiver is full of irony - even the name of the publication is somewhat humorous as it often arrives well after five o'clock.

Recurring sources of humour include:

Team nicknames

Manager nicknames

Many football managers are also given nicknames, and once the nickname has stuck, their real names are rarely used.

Nicknames for footballers

Leagues and Tournaments

Some tournaments are also referred to by nicknames, with the Champions League being referred to as Big Cup, and its lesser relation the UEFA Cup being known as Euro Vase. The Scottish Premier League is usually referred to as the EuroDisney League or "EuroDisnae League", the implication being that it is a Mickey Mouse league. The FIFA World Cup has been referred to as Biggest Cup, and more frequently the FIFA World Cup, but with a string of sponsor's names, such as Nestle Fuji Texaco Pepsi Max Cyril The Handyman 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa(TM).

The (mis)fortunes of the Home Nations' international teams

For example, Northern Ireland's national team were referred to as "Norn Iron Nil" due to their proclivity for losing/failure to score, however, after their shock 1-0 victory over England in September 2005, became known as "Norn Iron One-Nil". After a poor England performance, former manager Sven-Göran Eriksson's £4 million salary was usually mentioned, as was former manager Fabio Capello's £6m salary.

Fiver lawyers

Segments of text are supposedly excised by "Fiver lawyers", the implication being to avoid libel suits, though the gist of the missing information is usually obvious, or already known, to the reader.

Fat cats

Any news involving FIFA or its president Sepp Blatter implies that, whatever has been announced, the matter was being discussed simply as an excuse for a gluttonous lunch, with details of the menu usually added for illustrative purposes. This also applied to UEFA and its former president Lennart Johansson until Johansson was succeeded by the more respected former player Michel Platini.

Muesli munchers

Referring to Guardian (and hence its own) readers by the 'sandal-wearing muesli-eaters' stereotype.

Attitude towards football clubs

While no football club is beneath The Fiver's contempt, it does tend to go easier on struggling, poverty-stricken lower league clubs, showing the writers do have a conscience. However, fans of Liverpool football club get a particularly hard time due to their reputation for incessant whining about perceived injustices brought upon them by a conspiratorial London-based media, which in itself is evidence of the injustices brought upon Liverpool by a conspiratorial etc. and so on.

Self-deprecating humour

As of 2007, this has taken on a darker strain, with more frequent references to the Fiver waking up with a hangover, in a gutter or in a puddle of the Fiver's own urine. This is largely a continuation of an occasional "This Is How We Work" item, replacing a news story with a tale of the Fiver writer struggling, and failing, to write a meaningful article as the clock ticks towards 5pm, usually culminating in the humiliation of the writer (and "hot tears of shame") at the hands of the Fiver editor. The main Guardian paper, and articles therein, are enviously referred to as "Big Paper".

The Fiver has a cousin The Spin, which is all of the above, although with a more measured and less overtly humorous outlook, on the subject of cricket, written by Andy Bull.

References

  1. ↑ http://www.theguardian.com/football/2016/mar/29/the-hope-that-leads-to-despair-when-the-hope-is-predictably-extinguished-in-the-summer

External links

This article is issued from Wikipedia - version of the Monday, April 18, 2016. The text is available under the Creative Commons Attribution/Share Alike but additional terms may apply for the media files.