Victorian letter writing guides

As letters became more and more popular as a means of communication, guides sprang up accordingly about just how one was to write a letter, what was proper, and what was out of the question. Many Victorian conventions shine through the guides, and are a valuable way of understanding certain tensions in nineteenth century England, such as a certain "artful artlessness" that came about as the result of the urge to speak from the heart, but never more than was proper.

Physical concerns

A letter’s physical appearance, in addition to content, was a key concern for letter-writing guides. For men, they advocated as plain paper as could be made available, and for women a light spritz of perfume was sometimes acceptable.[1] Other sources, however, disagreed, and suggested high outward ornamentation such as ribbons, flowery drawings, and interesting colors could be used by females, but part of this may have been the date of the guide, as vogue changed by the decade.[2] Earlier in the century, ribbons were very popular, but fashion changed to heavy cream paper in the 1880s and then monogrammed letterheads by the end of the nineteenth century. The manner of sealing the letter also changed over the course of the years. Originally it had been wax wafers and dried gum, but as time went on colored wax became more prevalent, the use of which was dictated by social conventions. Black wax was always associated with mourning, but red wax was to be used in letters between men, particularly those dealing with business, and letters from men to women.[3] Women were free to use a range of colors, no matter the correspondent. Even ink was hotly debated; though all sides agreed on bold black ink, blue was sometimes suggested as an alternative, and all other colors shunned, though most letter-writing guides acknowledged that they had once been in fashion.[4]

Contradictions

Letter writing guides simultaneously advised writing with absolute feeling and being cautious about saying too much, or saying the wrong things, regardless of whether or not these wrong things had real feeling behind them. Many guides cautioned that anyone could read your letters and thereby make inferences about you, even if those who you corresponded with assured you that they burnt your epistles.[5]

Matrimonial Letters

The caution about appearance in letters was doubly stressed in matrimonial letters, even as women and men were encouraged to still write from the heart. Men were warned against complimenting their chosen bride too heavily, as it seemed insincere; rather, their moral traits and the feminine virtue of indifference were set as prime subjects to appreciate in a marriage proposal.[6] Women, meanwhile, were urged not to be too unguarded in their letters, even in the acceptance of a proposal, to only thank and address the man’s moral qualities. Love letters did not end in ‘love,’ but more frequently simply as ‘ever your friend.’

Example Letters

“ From a Gentleman to a Lady confessing a Change of Sentiment. [7]

Miss Rachel,--Your note has opened my eyes to the fully and wrong of the course I have pursued of late. All night I have been pacing my floor, trying to decide what course it was my duty to pursue, and I have decided to answer you as frankly as you desire.

I will not attempt to excuse myself, for I deserve your anger, but I will only say that I was myself deceived in my own feelings. When I asked you to marry me, I believed that we were congenial, and that I could make you happy. I was not rich, but had sufficient, as I thought, for comfort, and thinking you would be content with a moderate competency, I invited you to share mine. Closer intimacy has proved my error. Your extravagant wishes are utterly beyond my means, and your bitter and sarcastic remarks upon those of your friends who are not wealthy prove that you covet a life of luxury.

Again, for you ask for frankness, you have so often pained me by your uneven and sullen temper, that I foresee a life of misery for both after marriage.

I know that honor binds me to you, and therefore will not ask for my release if you do not desire it, but will, if we marry, endeavor faithfully to make you demand the reasons for my coldness, I have given them.

Leaving our engagement entirely in your hands, I am, Ever your friend, Henry Hendricks.

 ”
“ From a Gentleman to a Lady Requesting an Explanation of Unfavorable Comments upon him.[8]

Dear Lucy,--I have just had a long interview with a mutual friend of yours and mine, who has surprised me by repeating your unfounded assertions with regard to me. Of course, what is merely your opinion, I have no right to resent, though I regret that it should be so unfavorable, but I have a right to demand your grounds for asserting that I am an arrant flirt, a hypocrite, and concerned in more than one dishonorable transaction.

Will you have the kindness to inform me with whom I have flirted, how played the hypocrite, and in what dishonorable transactions I have been concerned.

Paul Smith.

 ”
“ Reply to the Foregoing.[9]

Paul Smith, Esq.,--The high tone of your letter might impose upon one who was not so well acquainted with your history previous to your arrival at this place as I happen to be. My opinion was founded upon a knowledge of your life while you resided in St. Louis.

When I inform you that Mrs. Carrie Ryder is one of my most intimate friends and constant correspondent, you will not again request a list of your misdoings. If you consider your course of conduct in deceiving your uncle, endeavoring to ruin your young cousin Charles, and attempting to elope with an heiress of fifteen, honorable, I can only say that I differ in opinion.

Lucy Johnston.

 ”

Footnotes

  1. ↑ Anonymous 1851, p. 37
  2. ↑ Frost 1867, p. 99
  3. ↑ Jacques 1857, p. 76
  4. ↑ Anonymous 1851, p. 40
  5. ↑ Frost 1867, p. 32
  6. ↑ Frost 1867, p. 121
  7. ↑ From Frost 1867, p. 126.
  8. ↑ Frost 1867, p. 124.
  9. ↑ Frost 1867, p. 124.

References

External links

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